i'm still feeling high after the awid forum and a well-deserved vacation all by myself. it was a good feeling being in a foreign land with 1800 women from 120 countries all in solidarity with one another. i had looked forward to being alone joining other women i knew i would meet only for the first time not knowing if i would be able to make friends at all or if i would ever see them again after the four-day forum. but i did make friends, although i spoke to just a few of them over sticks of cigarettes, in between sessions; in the bus on the way to the celebration dinner sponsored by thailand's ministry of tourism, and while dancing and singing with prima donna, a troupe of Malaysian transsexual, transgender and MSM individuals.

i'm going to make a report about the forum i attended so i don't want write about it here now. what i like to do is savor the vacation i had after the four-day forum. it's a dream come true to be in a place where nobody knows me and i don't know anybody. i had the greatest time of my life just going with the flow of my energy. i allowed myself to be brought to wherever my feet would bring me. i did things i wouldn't do back in my homeland.

i loved it when i had all my time to myself, knowing that nobody missed me, nobody was thinking of me, or waiting for me to come home. i didn't have anybody to report to every action that i had to make, where i was or what i was doing or who i was talking with. i didn't have to ask anybody's permission just to go where i wanted to go. i lost my way several times ending up in places where i didn't plan to go and there was nobody there to blame me that i made a wrong decision. i ate what i wanted, wore what i wanted.

i wouldn't really say that bangkok is strange to me as i have been there many times already but it was my first to be alone. i had to rely on my own judgment, my own gut feel. it was sooooo fun. i just love being free.

i realized how brave a woman i am, and how i could handle 'situations' and still keep my poise. i wanna do it again. i will do it again. kahit magastos. :-)