some good things that don't last... still may

a very dear friend once told me when we had to part ways that he would not talk about me to anyone because he wanted to cherish his memories of me. that was over ten years ago. i don't know if he's broken his word. i was flattered then, although i didn't understand why. but now i do.

i have fond memories of my indonesia trip which i can't seem to put into words just because i love rekindling every moment in my mind. the images of the friends during those two weeks are still so vivid to me, even without looking at the pictures i brought home (although i view them in my computer everyday since i got home). the smiles, the chats, the kind words, the gossips, the frowns, the halting english of some, the funny stories, the laughters, the compliments and insults, the cheers, the sighs, the sad faces during our last lunch together.

dona, lam, sylvia, adrian, khinkhin, ela, dash, vat, bhopa, rhea, nice, shirlene, markus, pinpin, chea, maksum, maliphone, pary, etin, perla and candra. and bilal and isa... i may never see them again, but they'll always be a good part of me now.

i'm still feeling high after the awid forum and a well-deserved vacation all by myself. it was a good feeling being in a foreign land with 1800 women from 120 countries all in solidarity with one another. i had looked forward to being alone joining other women i knew i would meet only for the first time not knowing if i would be able to make friends at all or if i would ever see them again after the four-day forum. but i did make friends, although i spoke to just a few of them over sticks of cigarettes, in between sessions; in the bus on the way to the celebration dinner sponsored by thailand's ministry of tourism, and while dancing and singing with prima donna, a troupe of Malaysian transsexual, transgender and MSM individuals.

i'm going to make a report about the forum i attended so i don't want write about it here now. what i like to do is savor the vacation i had after the four-day forum. it's a dream come true to be in a place where nobody knows me and i don't know anybody. i had the greatest time of my life just going with the flow of my energy. i allowed myself to be brought to wherever my feet would bring me. i did things i wouldn't do back in my homeland.

i loved it when i had all my time to myself, knowing that nobody missed me, nobody was thinking of me, or waiting for me to come home. i didn't have anybody to report to every action that i had to make, where i was or what i was doing or who i was talking with. i didn't have to ask anybody's permission just to go where i wanted to go. i lost my way several times ending up in places where i didn't plan to go and there was nobody there to blame me that i made a wrong decision. i ate what i wanted, wore what i wanted.

i wouldn't really say that bangkok is strange to me as i have been there many times already but it was my first to be alone. i had to rely on my own judgment, my own gut feel. it was sooooo fun. i just love being free.

i realized how brave a woman i am, and how i could handle 'situations' and still keep my poise. i wanna do it again. i will do it again. kahit magastos. :-)